It is 2:56am according to the right hand corner of my computer. Now 2:57 and I have no idea why I am awake at this hour on a Monday morning. Maybe it was the pile of school books I rolled on top of that woke me, maybe it was the sudden heat wave that over takes you after you are used to be so cold while sleeping, maybe it was a higher wake up call. I remember being told a long time ago that if you were awake at this hour that it was God trying to get your attention, that He had better plans for you than just sleep. I think about that now. Not that I couldn't use the quiet time, my life is anything but quiet these days. Well, that's not true, I am quiet, but life is not quiet. There is SO much going on with a thesis, conference, family, car, classes, work, friends, church, roommate, that the list could be endless.
I've been reading alot lately (mostly random) so I have no idea where I read this but it went along the lines that worry is a sin. A sin because when you worry you are not trusting God. I do not think that is a fair assessment of worry, true it can get out of control, but is not worry a deeper level of concern? Is not showing concern for our friends, family, and neighbors what we are called to? I feel bad because my friends and family are on my mind, but my mind is so consumed with thesis that I can rarely call them, let alone set hours aside to be with them. I schedule research trips to cities so I can see friends and family in between the open hours of libraries.
The above link in a few days will have a sermon on it from Feb 8, the speaker will be Joel Walker; (I hope, I am typing this before the podcast has been posted and there were technical difficulties in the recording) he talks about being a community focused on the community instead of the individual, along the lines of the Acts 2 community found in the early church. Joel asked the question who outside your spouse knows your heart? Since I have no spouse I can easily answer that question: no one. There are some that are close to it, but now, no one. I have the been there done that attitude that leaves me with the faint traces of pain because for whatever reasons (some good and some bad) they are no longer in my life and what is the point of baring your soul to someone if they are going to leave. Not leave because you did, but leave because life dictates it; moves to new city, falls in love with someone else, etc. You have to keep telling your secrets over and over...
It is 3:24am. I have some clue of what this day will be, long, hard, busy. There are always the unexpected things though that life brings which I guess is what makes life interesting. Like being awake at 3:25am
