old emails....

I do not generally think of myself as a pack rat. I can throw away that drawing from kindergarten and not think too much about it. Things that I do not use regularly get taken to goodwill or sold at a yard sale. But pictures, letters and emails. Now there is a different story. I have been nostalgic today. The events of the last half of last week have dragged me to a melancholy place. So tonite instead of going to bed and reading northanger abbey till I fell asleep I began sifting through my email accounts and reading / deleting emails. One address comes up quite often, especially through 06-07. I was actually quite surprised in rereading those emails because it shows how much this person and I have changed. He much more so than myself, but I think he would agree that I too have changed in smallish ways none the less.

There are of course emails that I would like to delete because they hurt to read. Truth cuts deep, and runs swiftly, but it is truth and I should be a lessor person without it.

So to my friend who got me through the night I thought would never end, I say thank you. Your words mean more to me now because I can see the truth.

A new place to find a man (tongue in cheek)

so some friends and i pulled an all nighter last week. I think they had a reason, but I did not other than keeping them company. so at 5:30am we decided we were hungry and started rattling off places to eat. Cracker Barrel is where we landed so off we went. Now i've seen the sun rise because working at Starbucks at 4:30am affords me that privilege. It was a nice drive however and a chance to see the sun come up the horizon through the trees. we got to cracker barrel a few minutes before it opened so we listened to the radio and looked at the parking lot. One thing we noticed was that there was a lot of men. In fact my friend and I were the only girls. We noticed it but didn't think much of it until we got inside and sat down. not only were we the only girls other than the waitresses, we were the youngest people in the building.

i cannot remember when I was one of a handful of girls someplace. The thing was however, not one of those men could have been under 45. In fact most of them were closer to my grandfathers age. It was amusing. and fun.

so girls, if you are looking for an older man, 6am at the cracker barrel is the place to go. :)

I love my front porch as it faces west and the sunsets. These are from this past winter.

the epiphany of the week...

I have learned something this week. I guess the more appropriate phrase would be I have re- learned something this week. I have learned how much more fun somethings are with a child.

First example the movie Prince Caspian that has come out to the theatres. Now of course I went the first night, in fact I was the third person in the theatre. I saw the movie with some friends, but it was nothing compared to when I took Fletcher. Fletcher is one of the twins I sometimes watch and have watched since he was 6weeks old. He is now 7 and had a rough time of it this school year, so I started buying him books that he might actually want to read and Caspian had been redone into an easy reader and he loved it, so as a reward I took him to the movie. Now, I've read the book a few times and had even read the book earlier in the week so I could be properly prepared to cut the movie to size when it deviated from the book. Needless to say it did and the first night I saw it I was unhappy, but when I took Fletcher to see the movie something changed.

First I am glad that the theater was huge and that there were at most 15 of us there. Fletcher asked tons of questions that couldn't be answered yes or no all the time, and some of them were good questions. Questions like why does Miraz want Caspian dead and why does Miraz want to be king? These are all good questions and there were lots more as the movie went on, but as the movie went on I found myself watching Fletcher instead. I was worried that the violence would be to much for him, and it was because he crawled into my lap and stayed there for the rest of the movie right before High King Peter dueled Miraz. But the best part for me was watching Fletcher realize what was happening when Aslan came back. There was a light that was unmistakable and Fletcher got it. He suddenly knew that things would be okay because Aslan had returned to Narnia.

There were no more questions after that except when could we see it again, and when was the next movie coming out? He got the fact that Aslan had saved Narnia and that things would be as they should. It was fabulous listening to him on the way home talking about Aslan and Reepicheep. He even had the sword slashing down.

I confess after seeing the movie with grown ups that I was disappointed, but after watching the movie with Fletcher, I get it a but more. They ideas that Lewis wanted to get across are there and they are strong, I still however disagree with the down playing of Aslan.

My second epiphany this week happened on a trampoline with a 3yr old. Now by default she has more energy than me on her worst days and this was one of those days. There was an almost constant flow of snot from her nose and whining was more in line with the tone of her voice than actual words. But the minute she hit that trampoline it was all business and if I did not jump high enough or fast enough than I heard about it. Also I was rewarded with a thumbs up from her if I did it her way.

Now I always have an amazing time with Caroline. She has grown into this sassy little girl who literally yells "Miss Stina" when I walk into the house and then runs at me full speed screaming and laughing. I too cannot help but laugh. She is hilarious and I adore every minute I get with her. The jumping tonite reminded me that she will not always want my company inside the trampoline, and sooner still she will not want me to push her on the swing. I hope however that I will forever be Miss Stina. Her laughter echos through the quiet, well manicured neighborhood that sometimes I think we will get in trouble for being so loud, but how can we stop laughing? How can I tell her that her life won't always allow for loud laughter? I cannot, so for now we jump on the trampoline and I too give over to the loudness and the insanity that comes from the thoughts of a 3yr old.

Here is an update from the past few weeks of my life. It is not much as I am not really sure what I have to tell that anyone cares to read.

First, the semester is all over but the grades. I spent much of the past two weeks at the library and or someplace with a wireless connection trying to get all the work typed, turned in, and done with some sense of sanity remaining. The sanity part really didn't happen. In fact the 1st day of finals I dumped a venti cup of fresh brewed coffee allover myself. Well it really wasn't dumping as much as it was I was squeezing the cup (unbeknownest to myself) and it exploded while I was talking to a classmate about studying together for an exam. I laughed about it later, but at the moment my scalded hands and no longer exsisting cup of coffee were enough to put me in a corner to cry; but who had timefor that when there are papers tobe edited and turned in.

You might also have noticed that some of my words are scrunched together, well that is because I droppedtwo books onto my laptop keyboard injuring the space bar. It works on one side, but not the other so I have had to adjust my typing, it is amusing, especially when I am in a hurry, I just let the wordsruntogether and then go back and space them out. I didn't drop the books on purpose, they were on a shelf above me and as I was reaching for them they slipped.

One paper was absolute crap. In fact if I donotget a failing grade, I may protest it, because it deserves a failing grade. THe other paper was okay. I was not pleased, but when I read it aloud as a conference paper to the class it was highly praised, like highly praised, and believe me I was stunned. Stunned.

So I slept all day the day afterfinals. My body could probably sleep some more, but I want to get on a schedule again that resesmbles normalcy. I have kept the most erractic hours the past two weeks, mostly not getting home until well after midnight and getting up andout way to early.

I really cannot think of much more to say. It will be a melancoly week as my dear friend is being whisked away to MI. While she will be close tomyhometown, she will still be in MI and I down here. I know I wouldnot have made it my first semester back if it hadnot been for herkindness and generosity.