I hate change. It never has been one of the things that I can deal with. I am afraid of things that I cannot control and change is one of those things. Things change to quickly. I have had alot of friends move and get married in the past year and soon one of my dearest friends is moving to the middle of Europe. I am still in the same place I was ten years ago just ten years older and maybe a bit wiser.

I think some of this is because I am 6 days away from 30 and watching everyone around do something that I thought would have been me by now. I wonder if we truly hold ourselves back, or if the old adage of life is what goes on while we are trying to live is what this is. How did I find myself here? I think I have a few answers to that question, but the question that I truly what an answer to is how do I get myself there? Europe, grad school, a husband, a family, all of these things are good desires so why don't I want them?

I met a girl, a classmate actually who told me that she wants to teach at the college level more than anything and that that has been her drive for the past few years. She is incredibly intelligent and knows what she wants and what it takes to get there. She even knows that if she does not get accepted to a doctoral program this year that she can apply next year and use the in between time to work on publications etc.

Can will power really get me there or is there something I am missing?

Back to the friend moving to Europe. how do I tell them that I want them to be happy and go, but at the same time deal with losing them? I have leaned on them so much these past few months and now they have no time for me. I feel like a petulant child, but want this person to know how I feel. Of course one could ask if it would matter even if they did know. I am not asking them to not go, just to remember.